I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
