I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
