It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Randomize
