Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
