I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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