I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We need to get me chipped asap
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
