My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
