nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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