Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize