my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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