i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
