high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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