So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
