just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
