im drinking this country out of the recession.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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