I CAN MOONWALK!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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