I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i may or may not be watching the land before time
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
