I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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