He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i think my cat just said my name.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
