i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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