Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
