i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
