I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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