just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
