My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
