He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
