I hate all girls vehemently.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
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