I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just blew my weed a kiss
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
