Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
