You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
