just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
