he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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