if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
