i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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