If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
