thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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