How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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