Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
