It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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