In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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