Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
