if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
