I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
