So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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