I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
