So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
