what day is it and did you see me today?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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