i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Don't EVER smell your tampon
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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