recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
