wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
