Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
