I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
