My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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