hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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