Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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