I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
