Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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