you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
