The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
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