Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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