everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
