I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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