All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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