Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just want nice things and good sex
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize