If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
