Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
