I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize