Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
